Bahasa

Currently listening to: Nothing

It sucks. Just when you got closer to someone, that someone has to go away. It's not the first time, but it still sucks. Big time.

Anyway, here's an excerpt of an online conversation between that someone and I:

A: So, I think I should jaga diri sendiri dulu. That's why I tak cari dia. Saya harap dia faham la. Kalau tak faham, well, tak peduli dia also.

B: Tak apa kita orang pun boleh jaga u de.

I finally know how it feels like to have an older brother.

Heart Battle

Currently listening to: Nothing

I really don't know what to do. On one hand, I feel unhappy that you made me out to look like a bad person. On the other hand, I feel guilty that you made me out to look like a bad person.

Was it my fault in the first place that things became the way they are right now? How did things become like this anyway?

I don't know. More like, I don't remember. God knows I've tried to, but I just couldn't remember how it all began. Or ended.

Perhaps, I should just stop waiting and start taking the initiative instead. Then maybe, just maybe, I won't feel so guilty anymore.

However, having said that, the most important question remains.

Is it more important that I feel less guilty, or more important that I feel less hurt?

Because if it is the former, chances are I will end up hurting myself. And if it is the latter, I may just end up hurting you.

So, should I hurt you to protect myself, or hurt myself to protect you?

Are you more important to me, or am I more important to myself?

他妈的

Currently listening to: Nothing

Nobody loves me more than I do. So yeah. Call me selfish. But I don't see why I have to put myself through unnecessary and unworthy pain when you don't seem to give a damn.

And I refuse to dwell on the past anymore, to dwell on the times when you had seemed to care, because, however much you gave and I took, I gave just as much, if not more. I do not owe you anything.

So stop running to my girlfriend and complain that I have stopped caring. Because I didn't. You may have felt that I did, the same way I had felt that you did. But at the very least, I did not complain about anything to anybody at every given opportunity. Unlike yourself.

I mean, how dare you make me look like a cruel, ungrateful person. Who abandoned you and couldn't care less about your wellbeing after all that you have done for me. You, the innocent victim. The wronged one.

I am so disappointed in you. But I am more disappointed in myself for letting you disappoint me.

Comfort

Currently listening to: The Invisibility Cloak/The Library Scene from Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone

I am supposed to be sleeping now, but my mind kept going back to the Nokia 6600, and some other stuff, so I got back up to check up on the phone and its specs. As is turns out, it wasn't a Nokia 6600 that I had seen on Saturday night, but rather a Nokia 6500S. Which would explain the colour difference, though I had initially thought that the model came in different colours.

Anyway, I prefer the Nokia 6600. Which is cool. Because then I won't be getting the same phone as my friend. It's not a big deal, but it's always nice to get something different.

I am now contemplating on extorting my parents for the phone, using my special day as the reason. I know it doesn't seem right; I mean, I am already working woman. I should not be asking my parents to buy me anything anymore.

However, having run through the idea in my head too many times now, I am almost convinced that it is necessary. Because I am in need of comfort. Any kind of comfort. And since I have been unable to get comfort from every other possible sources that I can think of (friends, work, solitude, random drives, beach, food, music, Internet, movies, etc) I am left with only one: materialistic comfort.

I know that materialistic comfort does not last long, but a moment of comfort is better than nothing I suppose. I'll take what I can get. For now.

Gosh I am hopeless.

咳。。。

Currently listening to: Davy Jones from Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

You know it's REALLY bad when there is a sudden influx of blog entries.

But what can I do? I need an outlet. And this is the only place where I can express myself however I want whenever I want.

So yeah.

All of a sudden, I feel so very lonely.

Weekend off

Currently listening to: Part Of Your World from The Little Mermaid

I have a baby sleeping on my bed at the moment, and he will be sleeping on my bed for the rest of the night. I am wondering to myself if I should sleep at all, because I do not want to risk him rolling over and falling off the bed, and I do not know how to prevent that from happening. Any suggestions from anybody? For future purposes, since by the time your suggestions come through, the baby will no longer be sleeping on my bed.

Moving on. I saw a Nokia 6600 earlier, and I must say, that is one fine-looking phone. I wouldn't say that I fell in love with it at first sight, but it did catch my attention, and I am currently contemplating if I can actually afford spoiling myself by getting one. Or maybe, just maybe, I can get my parents to get it for me? Hehe.

Anti-social

Currently listening to: I See Dead People In Boats from Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End

In the end, I guess I was worried over nothing. But oh well. I'm just glad that my worst fears did not come true.

I still need a little bit more time to myself though. I mean, it kills me inside when my friends show me how much they care, but I cannot reciprocrate. Not at the moment anyway. I can only hope that all will be well soon. Like, REALLY soon.

Love me

Currently listening to: Nothing

I do not remember the last time I chatted on the phone for so long. Almost 6 hours. That must be a personal record. But it was a good chat. Like I was telling my friend, we're trying to squeeze a whole month's worth of conversation into a few hours. It is only right.

Anyway, I really need to stay in focus this time. I need to stay determined. I need to stay disciplined. I need to start putting myself first AT ALL TIMES. Just for the time being.

Because nobody loves me more than myself. And I need to remember that.

Rachel

Currently listening to: 甜蜜蜜 by 邓丽君

You know it's bad when all of a sudden, I have a lot of things to write about.

Anyway, I guess I really am a rather slow person. I can only take so much at one go. Too much, and I get disorientated.

Like right now.

And my eyes hurt.

Dolphin

Currently listening to: Bad Day by Daniel Powter

I am feeling a little anti-social today. It's nothing big; just one of those moments where I would like to keep to myself and maybe brood for a bit. Of course, there would ultimately be a reason for this, as much as I would like to deny it. But I'm so used to the reason, so used to denying that the reason is the reason, I'm just not fazed by it anymore.

It still sucks though, that I have no one I can really talk to. With 1 friend being 4 hours away time-wise and busy with university work, 1 friend busy with university work, 1 friend busy with work, and all other friends I am not comfortable with just yet (heart-to-heart-talking-wise), I can only keep it to myself and let it pass in its own time.

The good news is, it isn't my first time, so I'm used to it by now. The bad news? Well, I guess being used to it means that the bad news doesn't seem so bad anymore now. So perhaps, that is good news as well?

Family

Currently listening to: Nothing

Am I really that cold-blooded? Can I honestly say that I am not? What can I show as proof that I am as warm as everyone else? Or do I have no one to blame but myself for my inability to show that I care?

I guess, in the end, I can only say that I am sorry. Not sure if it matters, but yeah. I'm sorry.

Training

Currently listening to: 趁早 by 張惠妹

I'm screaming my lungs out at the moment, just so that I can sing properly again. It's been too long. Too. Long.

I went for karaoke with a colleague yesterday, along with her friend, and two of my friends. She was really excited about going, so excited was she that, while we were at work, she actually took some time out to write down a list of songs that she would like to sing at karaoke.

But she's got every right to do so, because she sings really well. Like, REALLY well. I envy her, because she's got a very nice voice, in my opinion.

Dry nose

Currently listening to: Something

So yesterday, I was watching Batman Begins on TV. After watching it, I looked it up on Wikipedia, as per the usual. I ended up looking up The Dark Knight as well, having watched it the night before. While I was browsing through the page, something about the term "viral marketing" caught my eye, and so I clicked on it, and was brought to another page with a list of notable examples of viral marketing. One of them immediately got my full attention: Cadbury's Dairy Milk 2007 Gorilla advert.

Why? Here's why:

I saw the exact same advert while I was watching Batman Begins on TV a couple of hours earlier. I remember it because it was a really weird advert, in my opinion anyway.

Gorilla opens with a credit sequence acknowledging A Glass and a Half Full Productions over a trademark purple Cadbury background. Phil Collins' 1981 hit "In the Air Tonight" begins to play, and the camera pans right to a closeup of the eyes of a gorilla (Garon Michael), and alternates between detailed close-ups and full head shots. The gorilla makes a series of small movements such as twitches, lip curling, taking deep breaths and opening and closing its eyes. The camera then pulls back to reveal that the gorilla is sitting at a drum kit. As Collins' drum solo kicks in, the gorilla begins enthusiastically drumming in time with a look of concentration and passion on his face, at times closing his eyes and looking skywards. The performance continues for thirty seconds, until fading to a computer-generated packshot of a Dairy Milk bar over the strapline "A glass and a half full of joy." - Wikipedia

Interesting huh?

Anyway, the whole point of me mentioning all of this now, is the fact that everything actually came full circle.

No I'm not talking about the gorilla.

I'm talking about me watching a movie on TV, seeing a weird advert in the process, looking up the movie on the Internet, coming across something totally random but seemingly interesting about the movie, and then inadvertently stumbling upon information about the weird advert.

I still have all the pages open on my Firefox web browser at the moment (different tabs), and this is how they look like:

Batman Begins | The Dark Knight | Viral Marketing | Gorilla (Cadbury)

I've had them open since yesterday night. Now, I can finally close them all.

Chicken porridge

Currently listening to: Nothing

Technically, sleeping is supposed to be the best thing to do when you're sick. But for the past two nights, it was totally the opposite for me. Both nights, I have had to get up in the middle of the night, head spinning like crazy, do whatever I needed to do in the bathroom (wash my face, clear my nose, puke, etc), and pop back some pills before going back to bed. Even while sleeping, I could feel that I was sick. Not a very pleasant feeling. At all.

Venture

Currently listening to: Nothing

Ta-da!

In case you didn't already know, I have been coughing for the past two weeks or so, and last week I started having a sore throat. On Monday, I realised that I have once again lost my voice, and then on Tuesday, I realised that I may just be sicker than I thought. So now here I am, at home, in bed, awake since 6 in the morning (not by choice I can assure you), and not knowing what to do with myself for the rest of the day.

Sick-er

Currently listening to: Nothing

I really had no right to have any expectations whatsoever, but I did. And the end result? I was disappointed, and I am disappointed that I was disappointed.

In the end, they are all the same. All. Of. Them. The only difference is how you feel about each and every one of them. The ones that you know, I mean.

It's just unfortunate that I should feel differently for that one in particular.