Marriage

Currently listening to: Miss You Like Crazy by The Moffatts

I'm getting quite slack in writing these days. My bad. It's just that, while I have always maintained that I do not care about what I write in my blog and who reads it, there are certain things which I would prefer not to mention at all. I mean, even if I do mention them, no one (save the few who knows and actually reads my blog) would've been able to understand a word anyway. The entry would've been so cryptic, so mysterious. So much so that, after a while (depending on the "seriousness" of the matter of course), even I would not have been able to comprehend what it was that I had been writing about. Geez...

Anyway, in a short span of... 3 days, a lot of things have happened. Not to me, but to people around me. It would have been a bit too much to take, had it not been... more than 2 months since the possibility of BB going away began to set in. By now, things have gone through so much uncertainties that I feel like I am way past the point of feeling worried and sad.

That's not to say that I am not sad about BB leaving. Yes, BB is going back to Malaysia next Wednesday. And I know that BB and his girlfriend are really upset about it. I also know that I am nowhere near as upset as they are. Which is probably why I do not feel as upset as I had originally thought I would've felt. Because there really is no point for everyone to be upset about things and upset each other even further by being upset together.

I'm not trying to "show off" just how "strong" I am, but now that I think about it, I have always been like that. Whenever my friends and I are sad or unhappy about something, I tend to be the one who is not crying, who is comforting the others. Some people may see it as a good thing; some see it as a bad thing. The way I see it, I am either emotionally "independent", or emotionally "unavailable".

Care to take a pick out of the two? I'll give you some comments which will hopefully help you make the choice.

According to a colleague from work, I give off an "aura" that apparently scares guys away. And, according to a much-treasured friend, I am not a cold-blooded person, but a "cold" person. The same friend also said that, while I am always more than willing to help others, I hardly ever ask for help myself.

So. What's the verdict people? Am I:

a) Emotionally "independent"
b) Emotionally "unavailable"
c) Both
d) Neither

Feel free to let me know. It'd be interesting to find out a little bit more about myself. It always is.

There goes it...

Currently listening to: Nothing

Yup. Something DID happen. Something, I would say, relatively BIG. Probably one of the biggest happenings to have ever happened in my 24 years of life so far. However, even though I was already expecting something to happen, I didn't expect it to be of that magnitude. And, as a result, I have been carrying around this mixture of feelings (guilt, regret, anxiety) with me the whole of today (or more accurately yesterday, since it is already past midnight as I am writing this), and it felt really sucky. I lost all appetite to eat. I felt like screaming my lungs out ALL the time. I felt like there was something really heavy lodged in my chest, weighing me down.

I know that this is going to pass. That one day, I'll be looking back at this matter and laugh about it. But right now, I feel really sucky, and it SUCKS.

Waiting

Currently listening to: Nothing

I wonder if anything is going to happen later. Based on my past experiences, whenever I expect something to happen, nothing happens. But whenever I do not expect anything to happen, something happens. So, I guess, nothing is going to happen later?

We'll just have to wait and see.

Life... too fragile a thing

Currently listening to: 曲终人散 by 张宇

This is my current favourite song. It is a REALLY sad song. The capitals used for the word 'really' cannot even begin to show you just how sad the song really is. But just take my word for it. It is one heck of a sad song. One of these days I will post up the lyrics, along with its translation.

(Update: I noticed that someone from Perth (Australia) was looking for this song's translation on Google and got directed to this entry. Because that someone used the song's name, the song's singer, and the word 'translation' in the search, and this entry has got them all. Too bad that someone didn't look hard enough, otherwise he/she would've found the translation here.)

Anyway. For the first time, in my 24 years of life, I can finally say that I know how it feels like to be in a particular situation. Yes. THAT particular situation. So yeah. I knew that, sooner or later, it was going to happen at least once. I just didn't know when. Now, I guess I can say that I'm finally making some progress in that part of my life.

Landlady

Currently listening to: 我真的受伤了 by 張學友

What is the point of having a mobile phone if you're not going to be reachable at all times? I mean, come on! I wasted my time, my money, and my energy, just so that I can accommodate you. I do not believe that you didn't get my text right after I sent it; I sent you two. So for you to only reply a few hours later informing me that you could not make it, is TOTALLY and UTTERLY unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE!

Elections

Currently listening to: Love Story by I-Don't-Know-Who

It sucks. I'm used to it, but it still sucks. I've been here for almost 5 years now, and almost every year, someone ups and goes away, moving on and forward, while I stay behind, not stuck, not forgotten, but just alone and having to kind of start over, in terms of cultivating friendships, especially the ones to be treasured for life.

I really am used to it already by now. It's been more than 10 years since the last time I had to start over; I dare say that I'm getting better at it. Doesn't make it suck any less though.

I've only known them for slightly more than half a year, and have only gotten really close to them for less than 3 months. I don't know if it actually sucked more because of the short span of time, or if it would've sucked even more with a longer timespan.

YP

Currently listening to: 以父之名 by 周杰倫

Before I say anything else, let me just say this: I miss my MGS girls very much. :(

Time for some quotes:

Sometimes, in love, you must accept the fact that what makes the person you cared about happy, might on the other hand, leave you so lonely.

Letting go, even if it hurts, doesn't mean you have to let go of everything. You just have to let go of the person and your feelings for her/him, but the memories will always be there, whether it is good or bad. Because every time you remember those memories, it will always put a smile into your heart.

And be glad that, once in your life, this person made you happy and put colors into your life, even if it is just for a while.

他失去的是一个爱他的女人。。。而你失去的只不过是一个不再爱你的男人。
He lost a girl who loves him, whereas you only lost a guy who no longer loves you.

Why do I keep falling for the wrong guy?
Because you see perfections in imperfect people.

The quotes above are taken from a friend's page.

Mosgiel

Currently listening to: Heart Battle from Red Cliff

It was the most frustrating morning. I went to bed at 5am, got woken up by a text message at 8.44am, followed by a series of texts (8.54am, 8.58am, 9.03am, 9.09am), before I could go back to sleep. Only to be awakened again at 9.57am, followed by another series of texts (9.58am, 10.01am, 10.03am, 10.04am), before I could go back to sleep again.

Only to be awakened yet again at 10.34am, followed by yet another series of texts (10.37am, 10.39am, 10.43am, 10.45am, 10.56am, 10.59am, 11.04am, 11.06am, 11.08am), before I could again go back to sleep. Only to, once again, be awakened by another text at 11.40am, then at 11.43 am.

The final wake-up text came at 12.08pm, and I gave up trying to get any more sleep, because it was too painful, getting awakened every half an hour of not-so-good sleep.