It will never be enough...

Currently listening to: Show Me from My Fair Lady

It took me 24 years to come to the realisation that I am, in fact, made out of ice. I don't mean literally, of course. But yeah. From now on, you may refer to me as the Ice Queen.

You may also bow, if you like.

Merry Christmas!

Currently listening to: 千里之外 by 周杰倫

Last weekend had been an adventure. Unintended, but an adventure nonetheless.

First, my friend and I were unexpectedly called to a birthday party, which would've ended up being a good night out, except that it didn't. In the midst of "fooling around" (for lack of a better term), she accidentally clipped a finger at the door, causing the nail to snap out of its place and lots of blood to gush out.

So, after doing the best we can for the poor finger (and my poor friend), we were off to the emergency department at the hospital. Truth be told, I was rather reluctant to go there, because I had been there twice before and it hadn't been a good experience. But we didn't have a choice; that was the only place we could go to at 2.30 in the morning.

So, off we went, and we did ask the nurse if it was really necessary to stay. That was how reluctant we were about staying. Anyway, because the nurse said that it was probably a good idea to get the finger looked at, we stayed.

And waited.

For 4. Freaking. Hours.

It was a freaking nightmare, especially after the 2-hour mark, because it was way past my bedtime, and the after-effects of alcohol was pretty much over by then (the "high" part, not the dead tired part). It was torture, and it truly felt like dying was an option. A much better one at that.

By the time they saw my friend, I was more than ready to just crash out on one of the empty beds available in the ward. It didn't help that I started to feel nauseous while I was in there, and I can assure you it wasn't because of the alcohol; it was already past 6.30 in the morning at the time, more than 4 freaking hours since my last alcohol consumption. I just can't stand being in hospitals. The look of it, the smell in it, the whole package. Everything about it just turns me off.

Anyway, we had to wait for another hour (for my friend's tetanus shot) before we could finally go home. It was 8 in the morning when we were finally able to go to bed. And I silently vowed that never again will I go to the emergency department at the hospital. UNLESS, I really don't have a choice.

Hormonal

Currently listening to: My friend going through her nightly beauty routine in the bathroom

If I am to have a daughter sometime in the future, I will name her Elizabeth Rose. Such a pretty English name. I like.

Motherly Instincts

Currently listening to: Affinity by S.E.N.S

So... It's 1 week to Christmas, 2 weeks to New Year. And then about 1 month to Chinese New Year.

Now, I don't really care if I am going to spend Christmas or New Year alone. Chances are I wouldn't be anyway. But the thought of spending Chinese New Year alone, regardless of whether the chances are big or small, actually terrifies me. I CANNOT imagine having cup noodles on the night before Chinese New Year. That would just be TOO horrible.

Maybe I should think of something before it's too late...

KK Ge

Currently listening to: When A Child Is Born by Charlotte Church

I'm really sorry, but believe me when I say that, I only have your best interests at heart. And mine too, of course. But yeah. I truly hope that the time when you can happily let go and move on will come quickly. In the meantime, I will try my very hardest to keep things as hurt-free as possible, while still taking the necessary steps to protect you. And of course, myself as well.

On another matter altogether...

I am DEEPLY IN LOVE with my 小宝贝. I mean, how could I not? There I was, standing there smiling at him, and he was smiling back at me. The next thing I knew, he started crawling towards me, and upon reaching my feet, grabbed my jeans with one hand, looked up at me, and said, “抱抱。” (Literal translation: Hug hug)

I literally started squealing my head off, picking him up and saying things like how I am falling in love with him all over again, and that I'll carry him as long as he wants. Such a CUTE little boy! Makes all those times when I had to babysit him and didn't have a very good time doing so fade away into the big black hole of nothing-ness.

As promised...

Currently watching: CSI Season 9 Episode 8

妳讓他用戒指把妳套上的時候
When you let him put the ring on your finger

我察覺到妳臉上複雜的笑容
I was aware of the complicated smile on your face

那原本該是我　付予妳的承諾
That should have been me, keeping my promise to you

現在我只能隱身熱鬧中
Now I can only disappear into the excited crowd

我跟著所有人向妳祝賀的時候
When I was congratulating you along with everyone else

只有妳知道我多喝了幾杯酒
Only you know that I have drank a few more glasses than usual

我不能再看妳　多一眼都是痛
I can no longer look at you, for every look only brings pain

即使知道暗地裡妳又回頭
Even though I know that, secretly, you turned back again to look at me

我終於知道曲終人散的寂寞
I finally know the loneliness of the separation at the end of a song

只有傷心人才有　
Only the broken-hearted people have it

你最後一身紅 殘留在我眼中
The sight of you fully garbed in red lingers in my eyes

我沒有再依戀的藉口
I no longer have an excuse to continue longing for you

原來這就是曲終人散的寂寞
So this is the loneliness of the separation at the end of a song

我還想等妳什麼　
What more from you am I waiting for?

妳緊緊拉住我衣袖 又放開讓我走
You held on to my sleeve tightly, then once again let me go

這一次跟我徹底分手
This time breaking up with me once and for all

Shiel Hill

Currently listening to: Nothing

It truly sucks, always being the one who has to show a brave face, just so that the others will not be further saddened or worried or what not about things.

It truly sucks, always being the one who has to stay in control, just so that the others will not be a danger to themselves, as well as other people.

It truly sucks, always being the one who has to think rationally, just so that the others will not be hurt in any way (or at least, as little as possible) by my decisions and actions.

It truly sucks. But that is just who I am. And so, the conclusion is...

I suck.

I suck

Currently listening to: 曲终人散 by 张宇

It's 3.30 in the morning, and I am still awake. I know that I am going to suffer the consequences at work, but I do not feel like sleeping, and my eyes do not feel tired. Odd.